You don't know what those thoughts and feelings are and the only way you'll find out is by listening.ĭon't be a sentence-grabber. Remember that the speaker is using language to represent the thoughts and feelings inside her brain. If what she says alarms you, go ahead and feel alarmed, but don't say to yourself, "Well, that was a stupid move." As soon as you indulge in judgmental bemusements, you've compromised your effectiveness as a listener. Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you. Finally, don't be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases. In addition, try not to focus on the speaker's accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distractions. Mentally screen out distractions, like background activity and noise. The dictionary says that to "attend" another person means to: You can look away now and then and carry on like a normal person. You don't have to stare fixedly at the other person. Excuse the other guy, but stay focused yourself. Shyness, uncertainty, shame, guilt, or other emotions, along with cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact in some people under some circumstances. Look at them, even if they don't look at you. Put aside papers, books, the phone and other distractions. The desire for better communication pulls you together.ĭo your conversational partners the courtesy of turning to face them. That doesn't mean that you can't carry on a conversation from across the room, or from another room, but if the conversation continues for any length of time, you (or the other person) will get up and move. When we talk, we look each other in the eye. In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective communication. How much of the person's divided attention you are actually getting? Fifty percent? Five percent? If the person were your child you might demand, "Look at me when I'm talking to you," but that's not the sort of thing we say to a lover, friend or colleague. Talking to someone while they scan the room, study a computer screen, or gaze out the window is like trying to hit a moving target.
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